Lock down surprise!

Well a week in to lock down and I started to feel completely exhausted! I can’t be I thought but a did a cheap old test that we had in the bathroom cupboard, it literally showed a clear result in seconds. I was in complete shock, this was completely not part of our plan. We said we where do at 3 and had taken any unneeded baby stuff to the charity shop! I was on the pill but must of fell when I had a sickness bug beginning of march. After the initial shock and the reassurance from James my feeling quickly from shock to excitement. I cant wait to find out what baby number 4 looks like. We started to tell everyone as thought it would give them some lockdown cheer.

So I refer myself knowing that things where going to be different this time. No appointment till 26 weeks and no partners at scans!! Yes 12 week scan completely on my own. I arrive at the hospital for my scan armed with a mask my friend made for me (will be definitely being added to babies memory box). I hadnt really thought about how horrible it would be going on my own but it hit me as soon as I got out the car. I walked down the long corridor which was completely empty on my way to the maternity wing feeling like I wanted to cry. No James with me smiling or holding my hand, just me! I didnt have to wait long till I was being called in for my scan. I asked if I could video call James so he could see the baby but it wasnt allowed. It was honestly the weirdest feeling having a scan being so excited but feeling complete lonely and sad at the same time. After the scan you are ushered to one room to another for all the usual test than finally to see the midwife. I felt so much more happy and relieved when it was familiar friendly face from when i had my previous babies. We had a good chat and off I went with my maternity pack.

Leading up to my 20 week scan I have been feeling really anxious about James not being their. We want to find out the sex but I want us both to be there to experience it? It wont be the same on my own! What if something is wrong? How can I cope on my own if I get any negative news? James is my rock he always has the right words to say I really didnt want to go without him. Pretty much since the moment I have had my 12 week scan it has been playing on my mind. Luckily to my relief the hospital from 6th of july allowing partners and our scan is the 13th so James can come.

I really do feel for all the mums that havent had the pregnancy they have planned. The lonely scans, All the birthing plans that have completely gone out window and many mums delivery with just midwife at there side. Even though things have not gone to plan it is and all will be worth it.